went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
