I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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