His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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