Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
