That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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