Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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