My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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