Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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