doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am naked and annoyed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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