I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
