Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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