The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
