it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
