god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
