I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
