im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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