i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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