hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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