My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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