the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I believe in your delicious
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
