I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she told me i tasted like america
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
