walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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