Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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