I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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