she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
