I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
