Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
