Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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