i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
