all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
