Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
