I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
