my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
