I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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