yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
