He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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