she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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