You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
worst night to have a conscience
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
