I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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