just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just had sex on a roof
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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