And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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