if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
