The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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