cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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