come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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