Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
