Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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