I wish I could punch you in the face.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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