dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
