I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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