dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
