i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
