I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
