Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
