??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize