would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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