I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
