Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
