I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You are a genius and a whore.
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