My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
