I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
