I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
