so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
