I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
