Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
