i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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