just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
