1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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