I wish my penis had an off switch
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
