meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
