all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
