If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
