At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize