i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
