No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
