Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
