You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
