Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
